First up, a little entertainment:

 

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Technology Zero

As in the score: dark screen 1 – technology 0. Now that my indiscriminately interrupted internet has been rectified, I am able to post again. Rejoice. And in the act of rejoicing, avail yourself to the following which I have also posted on the PHP forum as well as facebook, explanation to be supplied:

You see, when my bourbon-sodden brain searches for ideas for new anthologies, it does bear some resemblance to the short film portrayed above. Let’s face it – Lovecraft and sushi were only a matter of time, and for monster hunters, it’s a good time.

Don’t be surprised if a book entitled “Mountain of Skulls, Valley of Bones” opens up for submissions asking for stories for Kaiju. Just sayin’.

Which brings up genre mashing. And outlandishness. And Soy Sauce. Which brings us to the book I read during said internet outage:

This cover image released by Thomas Dunne Books shows

I loved it. I loved it as much as JOHN DIES AT THE END. I didn’t even realize how much I missed this kind of humor until I read it, and how David Wong is the only one who can do it right.

I’ve purchased a god-awful number of books on Kindle and ibooks in 2012 – but only a handful of hardcovers, and out of those, I was happy that I purchased 2 of them. This was 1, and I give 5 full monsters and a celebration shot into the sky.

I had the good fortune (see what I did there?) to meet Jason a few years ago, and he’s a very cool cat, an amazing writer, and if you’re looking for something new to read, you should probably become very well acquainted with your enneagram number before you check these out. Depending on your results, enjoy!

Monster Hunter Soundtrack. I have not had time to do it justice, which includes links, so have a little patience, and it I promise it will be presented in the full badassness that it deserves.

Monster Hunter Interviews. They will continue next Monday. And there will be some Halloween treats. I’m not quite ready to reveal what they are yet, but real exorcisms and true stories of werewolf hunting could be coming…

Until Monday, don’t just wonder what that scratching noise is outside your window… Put on your boots, grab your gun and take care of it. Like a monster hunter.

Miles

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This Week We Reflect…

On the Interviews that have taken place around the campfire. Next week, we will pick up with all new interviews, but for now we take time to appreciate what the authors have shared with us so far.

We’ve spoken with:

John M. Whalen

Brian Panowich

Jennifer L. Barnes

Marc Sorondo

Joshua M. Reynolds

Helen Yates

Steven Gepp

William Wood

Angel Propps

Phil Norris

and

Christopher Nadeau.

A motley crew, to be sure. But then, they are monster hunters…what did you expect?

This coming Thursday, I’ll post what we have so far of the Monster Hunter Soundtrack. This should be pretty cool.

And, I’m putting together a little Halloween treat for all monster hunters, so save room in your plastic jack-o-lanterns and pillow cases for something special.

Until then, enjoy the interviews and keep your weapons close – tis a bad time of year to be caught flat-footed.

Miles

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Monster Hunter Interview – Christopher Nadeau

Gather ‘round the campfire, and grab a comfy spot. Tonight we’ll spend a little time with Christopher Nadeau, who attracted a nice bit of attention for his story “Finally, the Source”, featured in Leather, Denim & Silver. He also appeared in The Trigger Reflex with “Emergence” and will obviously be joining us in Use Enough Gun with “Arrival”.

Which is to say, the guy knows how to write a story.

We’ll be jumping right in to the interview with wolfmen, which reminds me to mention that I am working on some very special interviews for the week of Halloween. A couple of “treats” if you will, so be ready for some scary stuff.

For tonight though, let’s get down to business:

MB – Hi Christopher. Welcome to the campfire. According to your bio, you hail from Southeastern Michigan?

CN – Yes…

MB – Well, whenever I meet someone from Michigan, the first thing I think of (the same as anybody, I’m sure…) is upright canids. How would you say that they have affected your life?

CN – Most recently by making me look up “Upright Canids” so I wouldn’t feel like a moron. Too late.

MB – Not an auspicious start to things, eh? But please forgive me – I take the lore and study of werewolves seriously. Some say too seriously, but I say “better to know something and never need it than to need something and know nothing about it.” You know?

I also have a large mutt (Lab looking thing) that has a bad habit of resting her paws on the kitchen counter. When she does this, she is perfectly upright and there have been several times when I wasn’t expecting to see an upright dog, and it’s just flat-out unnatural. When I think or write about werewolves, that’s the image that comes to me every time – much more so than the standard he-man with a wolf’s head.  It also leads me to believe that werewolves can be lured into a trap by using chips and sandwiches as bait, but of course, my dog keeps springing said trap.

I digress. Let’s lighten the mood, shall we?

What’s the best monster prank you’ve ever pulled?

CN – I’ve never pulled a monster prank but I did once turn off all the lights, grab a toy lightsaber, and slowly advance on my mother while breathing like Darth Vader.

Her doctors assured me she probably would’ve had that anxiety attack at some point in the possible near future anyway.

MB – Hmmm. If she’s calmed down enough by now, you may think about correcting that “never pulled a monster prank” thing. There are outstanding wolfman costumes now, and if you can get her into a wooded area at night, I bet it will be awesome.

Or not, if you go with that whole “got to grow up sometime” thing – It’s up to you.

Okay, totally different direction:

Worst horror movie you’ve ever seen?

CN –  I tend to think most horror movies are terrible, but the one that springs to mind from recent experiences is Skyline. To quote metacritic, this film “delivers annoying characters, silly set pieces and a ludicrous ending that unfortunately suggests a sequel is on the way.” Those were its positive traits.

MB – Yeah, sure, but you could say the exact same thing about Titanic. And, in defense of Skyline, Titanic spent the entire movie at sea and did not have one monster – not even a single, tiny tentacle.

Makes me think that a re-make featuring a Kraken might be in order – with the same cast, of course. What really sank the Titanic, eh? Are you with me…

Moving on. Quick – boxers, briefs, or loincloth?

CN – Why not all three at once?

MB – I get the feeling that you were one of those kids that ate all different kinds of Halloween candy at once. And both actions will provoke the same facial expression from onlookers.

5 MINUTES TO PACK –  HQ called and you are going after a Cadborosaurus. What do you bring?

CN – A dictionary!

MB – *turns to secretary* Please mark Christopher down on the Christmas List for Crypto-zoology A to Z by Coleman & Clark. Unless he has a birthday between now and then – whichever comes first. He needs this book with a quickness.

Alright, NAME THAT TUNE – Give us your top 3 monster hunting songs:

CN – “Digging in the Dirt” by Peter Gabriel.

“Piggie Pie” by the Insane Clown Posse.

“In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins

MB – Way to bring Peter and Phil to the party! No hunter alive during the 80’s doesn’t feel the Phil Collins vibe, and Peter Gabriel is always brilliant. He either just released, or is soon to release a new CD. It’s not Bieber, I know, but I’ll be checking it out.

Back to movies. Was Max Schreck really a vampire?

CN – No, he was THE vampire.

MB – I think Bela Lugosi might take issue with that, but then, Bela Lugosi was definitely not a real vampire, and no matter if Max Screck was (is) or wasn’t, he’s a scary looking dude. I wonder how things went when he went clubbing and tried to hook up? Meh, nevermind…

If money were no object, what weapon would you purchase today?

CN – That planet-killer weapon the bad guy had in “Battle Beyond the Stars” that turned planets into miniature suns.

MB – Go big or go home, huh? I like it – don’t hunt the monsters one by one, just take out the whole planet. It’s the only way to be sure…

What monster hunter do you most admire?

CN- Blade. I love how he embodies that which he hunts but at the same time uses it as his greatest weapon. Even Dracula thought he was a bad-ass!

MB – I did dig Blade I & II. Trinity took a bit of the shine off of the franchise for me, but that does not diminish the character, who is a badass. I guess the main question for me is that if you have this group that is smart enough to create an airborne weapon that will destroy vampires, shouldn’t one of them be able to whip up a little basic accounting budget and tax plan? He should’ve asked that clan from the second movie about it – they’ve obviously been handling money for centuries. Oh well.

Last question: Ever seen a ghost?

CN – Nope, and not sure I even believe in them.

MB – Well, with that kind of attitude you can hardly expect one to come around, now can you? I kid. I don’t know that anyone really believes in them until they see one. Kind of like a McRib. Which reminds me, I’m starving.

Wrap this up by telling us where we can find out more about you!

CN – I’m the author of ‘Dreamers at Infinity’s Core’ through COM Publishing as well as over two dozen published short stories in such august publications as The Horror Zine, Sci-Fi Short Story Magazine, Ghostlight Magazine and more anthologies than one could take out with the toss of a single hand grenade. He was interviewed as part of Suspense Radio’s up and coming authors program and collaborated on two “machinima” films with UK animator Celestial Elf called “The Gift,” and ‘The Deerhunter’s Tale,” both of which can be viewed on YouTube. He received positive mention from Ramsey Campbell for his short story ‘Always Say Treat,’ which was compared to the work of Ray Bradbury and has received positive reviews from SFRevue and zombiecoffeepress.
His novel “Echoes of Infinity’s Core” is slated for a 2012 release.

I’m also an active member of the Great Lakes Association of Horror Writers, Chris Resides in Southeastern Michigan with his wife Lorie and two petulant long-hair Chihuahuas.

Amazon author page: http://www.amazon.com/Christopher-Nadeau/e/B007RDEMPC/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_1

Blog: http://christopher-nadeau.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-hazards-of-mentoring-mediocrity.html

Website: http://christophernadeau71.wix.com/christopher-nadeau#!home/mainPage

MB – Well done, sir. Thanks for joining us.

CN – Thanks for having me. Say, do you happen to have a link for who happens to sell those werewolf costumes you were talking about?

MB – Of course! Let me dig that up for you…

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Monster Hunter Interview – Phil Norris

It’s Monday night, the fire is roaring and the first chill of the season is upon us. In just over three weeks it will be Halloween and that means that most of us will be busy hunting.

Personally, I’ll be hunting door-to-door this year, making sure that each household is safe while teaching my son the foundational techniques of monster hunting. He’s 3. He’s already picked out (and worn several times) his Spiderman costume and he loves teh candy, so I don’t know how much actual hunting knowledge he will absorb, thus I have the standard back-up plan: instructional videos.

Fortunately, at least several of these are shown on television every night during October. They are cleverly disguised as “movies”, but everybody knows that they are the go-to source for monster info.

And that leads us into this week’s interview. Joining us at the fire this evening is Phil Norris (no relation), a contributor to volumes II & III of the LOTMH series.

Phil hails from Southwest England, which immediately brings to mind An American Werewolf In London – one of the greatest instructional videos of our time.

MB – Welcome to the campfire, Phil. Do you already know what you are going to be for Halloween this year?

PN – Hello Miles. Hello everyone. Actually, I do know. I am going to be Stephen King this year and pass copies of my manuscripts out instead of candy. You never know who might get one, and these days, you have to be creative in the ways that you approach agents, publishers, etc.

MB – Man, that’s a good idea. A really good idea. I have to be Lizard Man…

PN – You should have begun planning earlier.

MB – Er, I guess you’re right. Next summer he turns 4, so he’ll definitely be ready for a King film-fest – then I can work in the costume plan. Good thinking.

Okay, back to An American Werewolf In London – it was a big hit here in the states, but I’m wondering how people in your neck of the woods felt about it? Did the wolf get the accent right?

PN – It’s a strange thing when an American film is made in the UK using English actors – the actors sound more English than they normally do. Dunno if its because they’re alongside American actors so the accent is more pronounced? But they all sound like they’re Oxford educated. There’s a saying we have about that overly posh accent – “Talks like he’s either got a plumb in his mouth or a finger up his arse.”

Other than that, I loved it. It was one of the first horror films I bought on VHS.

MB – I have to admit that your saying brings a new perspective to the movie for me, and I suspect that I will never be able to watch it again without recalling it.

Especially when the wolf’s face gets all snarled up. *whistles*

And now I’m…slightly less comfortable than I was before. I could use a drink. Let’s go to the pub from that same movie – what five beers would they have on tap?

PN – Its hard to find a decent pub that serves real beer – that’s proper beer – what we call Ale over here. In the States, beer is what we call Lager, cold and fizzy like a soft drink ;)

Real beer is flat and not cold. It comes out of a barrel that has to be tapped right and tilted regularly so all you get is the good stuff and not the lumping crap in the bottom. Real beer gives you wind and makes you want to do manual work.

MB – Uh huh. Don’t want to know what the saying is for someone who has had a few “real” beers. I Still can’t get that werewolf face outta my head >.<

Have you ever been caught in an embarrassing situation while monster hunting (or researching it)?

PN – Never Google succubus on a shared or work computer. My wife is still not sure why I was reading up about sex crazed monsters. In fact she has doubts about a lot of the stuff I research but at least she’s tolerant about the anatomy literature (it was research for what damage blades and the like do).

MB – MONSTER HUNTER RULE #147: NEVER GOOGLE “SUCCUBUS” ON A SHARED OR WORK COMPUTER.

Words to live by, my friend.

And here’s to hoping that no Ripper copycats target your area, or else you’re going to have to do some fast explaining to the missus. Good times.

Moving on. Why do aliens abduct people from America, but only leave crop circles in the U.K.?

PN – You know how big Iowa is, right? It’d take forever to find a crop circle there, but abduct a few locals from New Mexico and next thing you know 60 Minutes have a detailed report including high school photos. Works different over here – we’ve no idea from one minute to the next how many people are actually in the country, so missing a few doesn’t register.

Piss about with our cerial’s though and you’ve got trouble.

MB – I see. So you admit to knowing that Iowa has a problem. You don’t even blink as you make the “New Mexico” reference, and then you’re all casual about a few folks that maybe didn’t show up for work this morning? Then you just jump topics to the cerials like no one is going to notice or care? Not likely.

I ask you sir, how did you know that the victims went to high school?

Know that we are watching you and your alien allies O.o

Okay, next:

You’ve got 5 MINUTES TO PACK – The home office called and it’s time for you to duck into your study, activate the hidden portal behind the bookcase and take the high-speed tube to headquarters. You’ll be hunting Windigo – what do you pack?

PN – A fully charged and loaded Kindle. You look surprised, but I’m being serious. If you’ve ever been on a hunt you’ll know there are long periods of inactivity that are very boring. What better time to get some reading done? You’re usually on your own, and its quiet, so no distractions.

MB – Uh, the home office just called again. It seems your hunt has been scuttled and you are off to HQ for a performance review.

With any luck, they won’t catch on to your anatomical dismemberment references and specific knowledge of alien abductees – ‘cause that might be awkward…

A fully loaded Kindle…  No wonder Windigo are running rampant these days.

Alright, on a very serious note, how do Europeans get girls to go to topless beaches?

PN – Tell them the one about that Bra Monster you once hunted – how it’s a shape shifter and once a girl has put it on, it constricts and kills them. Works every time on the French. Germans need some convincing though…

MB – I’m not completely sure that you’ve given me a serious answer.

But I’m gonna try it anyway.

NAME THAT TUNE – Give us your top 3 monster hunting songs.

PN – “Monster” by The Automatic, “Monster Mash” by Bobby Pickett and “The Crypt-Kickers, Going Underground” by The Jam

MB – I’m having second thoughts about the “Bra Monster” story.  What if I wear a T-shirt that says “I’m A Monster Hunter. You Can Thank Me Later.” You think that would work?

PN – Doubt it. You’d be lucky to survive advertising yourself like that in public, plus, there’s a lot of monsters that take human form so you can never be totally sure what you’re going to see if it does work. Stick with the story.

MB – You’re right. Next question:

Would you rather face a Deep One with a flashlight, or a Zombie with a Zippo?

PN – Zombie with a Zippo. They’re distracted by lights and a zippo’s brilliant cos it stays lit without you having to hold the button down. These new lighters are crap and no good for the serious monster hunter. they go out in the slightest puff of wind too.

MB – Good call. What’s the creepiest or scariest thing you’ve ever seen?

PN – A pack of condoms in my parent’s bedside draw when I was 14. The thought that old people were still doing it gave me the shivers. Course now I’m close to 50 I’m glad old people still get to do it.

MB – *facepalms* I am totally going to have nightmares about this interview.

Lets wrap it up. I’m going to describe a scenario, and you answer with the first thing that comes to mind:

A dinosaur creature is wreaking havoc on a local neighborhood. You swore to your family that you would never hunt monsters again, but now there are reports of people getting eaten. Go…

PN – In order to keep my promise to my family I assume a disguise, something with a mask, and a suitable name. Then I go out and hunt this sucka.

MB – Your going to leave us wondering about the name? Really? Well, Spiderman is taken, so keep that in mind.

I’ll let you know how the Bra Monster thing works out.

Thanks for spending time with us tonight.

PN – You’re welcome. I’m reminded of another saying…

MB – Annnnd, we’re done.

/kills the mic/

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Monster Hunter Interview – Angel Propps

 

I think we all know that a time comes in a person’s life when fashion means everything. The right choice of color, an extra millimeter of fabric or the way a hemline falls can make or break an impression, and there are times when these decisions are nothing less than crucial. That’s why I’m here.

Hold on…wrong blog. Gimme a minute…

*coughs* Welcome Monster Hunters!

Blood. Mayhem. Spent shell casings. It’s all here…so strap those boots on and get ready to kick ass!

But before we get started, you may have noticed that seats around the campfire are not as easy to find as they used to be. That’s because more people are tuning in, and that’s happening because you are all sharing links and promoting each other’s interviews. That’s  good and really important – the more people that know about the interviews, the more likely it is that a major publisher or Hollywood director will come knocking on one of your doors (and the less likely that any salesmen will…heh) so keep up the good work!

Tonight we talk to Angel Propps. Her LOTMH stories are featured in The Trigger Reflex and Use Enough Gun, and by chance, she’s in town, so we had to get this interview while we could!

MB – Hi Angel. Thanks for joining us tonight!

AP- Anytime. I’m always happy to talk about hunting monsters. I’m also pretty good with fashion, in case you ever need help there.

MB – We’ll see about that.

Sunglasses. What’s your make and model?

AP – I switch it up between a pair of bootlegged Chanel sunglasses I bought on a street corner in NYC and an equally knockoff pair of D&G’s I found in Vancouver, BC.  I hope no cops are reading this.

MB – I wouldn’t worry about it. If there’s one thing that cops understand, it’s the importance of sunglasses. Now, when you wear the D&G’s, what do you accessorize with?

AP – Do you seriously want me to answer that?

MB – Of course not. I want you to answer this:

What is the book or movie that scared you the most?

AP – The scariest movie had to be Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things. I sat up one Friday night with my sister to watch it and when our parents got home we were hiding in the bathroom armed with hairspray and matches, just in case we had to protect ourselves, it was Aqua Net hairspray so we could have lit up a world’s worth of zombies. That first fright is always the one you chase, it’s like a drug addiction really.

MB – There’s not a monster hunter alive that didn’t raid their mom’s vanity when they were little (or, when they were running a little short on cash… I’LL BRING IT RIGHT BACK, MA!).

Excellent choice for a scary movie and Aqua Net flamethrower FTW – plus, it does totally provide a superior hold.

Moving on.

I’ve heard rumors that Colonel Sanders was actually one of the most powerful voodoo lords that the world has ever known. What do you think about this?

AP – I knew there was something off about that damn chicken, seven secret herbs and spices indeed.

MB – I see what you did there – “damned” chicken. Seven herbs and spices instead of eleven. You know more than you’re letting on (but don’t worry – your secret is safe with us).

It does stagger the imagination to consider how many chicken sacrifices have been made.

It also makes me want to send one of the other hunters out on a K.F.C. run. Who else is in?

What’s the one book you wish you had written.

AP – It isn’t a book, it’s a couple of short stories: A Good Man Is Hard To Find by Flannery O’Connor and The Lottery by Shirley Jackson.

Nice choices. Especially Flannery O’Connor.

Alright, changing gears – have you ever ridden a motorcycle naked?

AP – YES! OMG, how did you know that? Is the video still on YouTube? I swear I told them to take it down. I don’t recommend it, by the way. Bugs do get stuck in the unlikeliest of places.

MB – *chuckles to self* It’s a trick question, m’dear. We’ve all ridden a motorcycle naked – it’s just that most do it alone and very few are willing to bring it up because they don’t realize that it’s a wide spread phenomenon. Personally, I think it has something to do with the ultimate act of freedom, danger and speed all mixed into one.

Anyway, the next time you see a cop, ask them about it. They’ll tell you that the books are full of these reports.

Er, slip your sunglasses off first.

What about you do monsters fear the most?

AP – My sadistic streak. I have kept the flamethrowers from my teenaged years but I have vastly improved the model (although I still use Aqua Net as a base).

MB – Right on. Buckshot or slugs?

AP – Both when possible. But slugs win hands down if you can only have one.

MB – PIMP MY RIDE – Describe your ultimate monster hunting rig:

AP – A 1966 Cadillac. Jet black. The gas mileage would suck but it would look immensely cool.

MB – Agreed. Some things are worth the money, and just pulling up in a badass sled like that strikes fear into the heart of your enemies. Solid choice.

NAME THAT TUNE – List your top 3 monster hunting songs:

AP – Shit List by L7

Anything by Slipknot – their music makes me feel crazy.

Sandman by Metallica

MB – I was wondering when Sandman was going to get a mention.

Alright, let’s cap off a trifecta of badassery with:

Hands down, the best tequila is?

AP – Patron!

Recipe: Take two cans of lemon-limeade (half-frozen) and pour them into a pitcher. Add half of a fifth of Patron. Pour in two Coronas, stir gently. Serve in salt-rimmed glasses. Lethal margaritas without a blender.

MB – I’d like to think that that’s how the Colonel partied after a long night of voodoo.

We have time for one more question.

What’s the best advice you could give to a youngster thinking about becoming a monster hunter?

AP – Cold water helps to keep bloodstains from setting into your clothing.

MB – Uh huh. Not only is it true, it brings the whole thing back ‘round to fashion.

Well played.

Tell us about you and where we can find more of you:

AP – I am a sex educator! I teach classes at conferences all across the country and can be found writing while tucked away in the corners of dungeons. Yes, real dungeons. I am a weirdo indeed. I write a lot and am always up for saying hello to people so if you see me out in public say hi, unless you are a monster, in which case you should run away as fast as possible.

MB – So, just a quick re-cap:

You cruise around the country in a 1966 jet-black caddy, shotgun in the back alternating buckshot and slugs.

When you pull up and step out, we know it’s you from the Chanel or D&G eyewear, the can of Aqua Net poking out of your bag and because you are ready to teach sex, kill monsters, or mix-up on the spot killa-ritas.

All I can say is that some people are alive, and some people are living.

Call me the next time you’re in town. We’ll go shopping.

AP – You’re buying.

MB – Yeah, yeah…

 

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Monster Hunter Interview – William Wood

It’s Monday night, and that means it’s time for another hunter to join us at the campfire.

But, before we get started, I’d like to quickly mention a contest I’m holding that will be of interest to monster hunters who are also artists. You see, for years I’ve dreamt of creating the perfect logo for monster hunters. Sadly, this dream has eluded me as surely as the winning lottery numbers, but I’m going to need a logo for projects that I have planned for 2013, so it’s time to ask you, the professionals, to make this dream come true.

I need a logo that will be featured on shirts, hats, book covers, websites, and depending on the circumstances, tattooed on various body parts. It should be a black and white image and easily recognizable. It must be completely original. Other than that, let creativity be your guide.

I will ask the winner to sign the rights to the art over to me to be used for the projects listed above.

Then I will send that winner a $100 bill, U.S. only, genuine, real and spendable.

Anyone can enter. I’ll accept entries up until midnight, October 29th, so that I may announce a winner on Halloween night.

Please send your entries as a jpeg to milesboothe@comcast.net

Now, back to the reason we’ve all gathered here tonight. The rumors are true – tonight’s interview is with William R. D. Wood.

William has been featured in a whole slew of anthologies, including The Trigger Reflex and the upcoming Use Enough Gun.

He also, for a brief period of time, had his Amazon author’s page switched with mine – true story – and it was Amazon’s fault, although I will admit to having made a few calls to people in high school that said I would never make it as an author…but enough of that.

Let’s get down to business with a man who knows monster hunting like your tongue knows the roof of your mouth:

MB – Welcome to the campfire William. I’ll give you twenty bucks to switch your Amazon page with me again – can I tempt ya?

WW – I still don’t know how you orchestrated that last stunt…

MB – Don’t worry about that. Worry about this instead: what discussions (pertaining to monsters) do you believe were held at this year’s Bilderberg meeting?

WW – Funny you should mention that…funny, indeed. You must know that this year’s meeting was held in Chantilly, VA. (a mere 2-hour drive from my home). Coincidence, I ask you? I think not. They need help. Lots of help, professional style, and I needed a new batcave. Savvy?

The monsters they discussed? Zombies – they’re all the rage these days, pardon the pun. Best thing about ‘em is they never go out of style…so it’s an easy cover for the media. Worst thing about ‘em is that they never stop. Also, the pictures you see of road construction signs that are supposed to be “jokes”? Yeah. Turn your vehicle around.

Beyond zombies, I’d speculate that they discussed fractal succubi, architecture-impersonating demons, cyberorthic sections of genetic code, and possessed dessert toppings. You know – the usual.

MB – That’s some of the more confident speculation I’ve seen.  And it reminds me of my next question: I often ponder Lovecraft’s writings as they pertain to the space-time continuum, and I have to tell you, I’m getting more anxious as time goes by. What are your thoughts?

WW – You and me both, brother. I think everyone senses that something is coming, the likes of which we’ve never seen before. A sort of collective, nouveau-proverbial disturbance in the force, if you know what I mean, and regardless of your beliefs, Lovecraft framed our place in the grander scheme of things pretty spot-on. If we’re alone, that’s very alone. If we’re not, that’s worse. The universe is big. We’re small. ’nuff said.

MB – You know, that didn’t make me feel any better at all. Go figure.

BE HONEST – Have you, or has anyone that you know, ever copped to a cryptid sighting?

WW – When I about six years old, I saw something, though I’m still not sure what it was:

My mom and I lived in an apartment complex in Greenville, SC. They were the usual 2-story deals with four apartment clusters accessed by outside stairs. I remember waking up one night and seeing Mom crouched at a window looking up at the roof of the apartment building across from us. When she heard me coming, she made me crawl across the floor until I got to her. I eased up until I could see, and on the peak of the other building was what I thought was a man – until it ruffled itself like a bird. I don’t know what it was, but it was bigger than any bird I had ever seen and I remember getting the impression that as I was looking at it, it was looking right back at me. I fell asleep at some point and the next morning Mom didn’t want to talk about it. Still gives me creeps.

MB – That’s awesome. You know, I ask that question to more than a few people, and I’m always jealous when somebody has a real answer! I’ve been looking for a cryptid – any cryptid would do – since I was 6, and so far I got nada. *sighs*

Next question – TATTOO YOU – If you had to have a monster tattooed on your body, what monster would it be and where?

WW – I haven’t written this story yet, but there’s a monster named zrahgn that’s been causing me personal grief and inspiration for years. So either a containment glyph for her, or you could do me up like Cabal from Nightbreed—only it would have to be in ink that only shows up under blacklight. Can you imagine what a hit I’d be the next time I went to a nightclub or a kid’s science museum?

MB – I can imagine security being called in both cases. That’s what usually happens to me, anyway. Also, a word of advice – do not make a Godzilla head out of paper mache’, dress up in green-dyed thermal underwear and crash your kid’s school on Japan day. Evidently, that’s not funny…

Moving on.

Have you ever seen a dog bark at a blank wall, or at something that wasn’t there?

WW – They don’t know anything we don’t, Miles. They’re just not afraid to admit it.

MB – I can’t help but think that it’s dangerous to imply that people shouldn’t be afraid to admit that they are compelled to bark at a blank wall. In fact, I am now going to officially recommend that if anyone should feel the need to bark at a blank wall, to fight that urge, and turn your attention to paper mache’. Or reading.

Favorite horror novel?

WW – How about a brief list? Stephen King’s The Shining is near the top. Max Brooks’ World War Z was a little-piece-of-awesome. Anything by Poe. Likewise with Lovecraft. Clive Barker’s Books of Blood. If I had to pick one, though – wow – there’s so much new stuff too *sigh*.

Gotta go with Pet Sematary.

MB- Nice choice. Best monster related television show?

WW – Current: The Walking Dead.

Classic: Tales from the Darkside, in all of its campy, corny glory.

MB – More nice choices *ALARMS GO OFF*.

5 MINUTES TO PACK – You’ve just received a one-word text. It’s the name of a monster you have to kill, and the helicopter is on its way to pick you up. You only have 5 minutes to pack – the monster is RAKSHASA. What do you bring?

WW – Luckily there’s always the standard pack-out by the door. A team of no less than three, which might require meeting up in-theatre – a couple of extra sunburst lamps (to help flesh out any attempts for it to impersonate one of us) – as many flash-bangs as I can carry (general defense and assault against heliophobes). DU mini-penetrator rounds for the G36 (take down and stay down), and plenty of gummy bears (if you have to ask, don’t take on rakshasa.)

You can’t really kill ’em, so the best you can hope for is to hurt them for a long, long time.

MB – I think I speak for all of us (monster hunters) when I say that you’ve made me proud. Now NAME THAT TUNE – Give us your top 3 monster hunting songs.

WW – I’ve not done any monster hunting personally for months now, but the top 3 on the playlist from last time were Rob Zombie’s Dragula, Black Hole Sun from Soundgarden, and Enya’s Orinoco Flow.

Oh, and if you think that last one is a little weird, you haven’t hacked your way through a swarm of hemacephs until you’ve done it to Enya, my friend. Now that’s living.

MB – I think I speak for all us (monster hunters) when I say that you’ve made me question that third song. Personally, I would’ve gone with Caribbean Blue, but you say tomato, I say tomato…whatevs. Either way, Enya just squealed in delight that she got mentioned on the internet.

Current and upcoming projects?

WW – I don’t have a novel, yet, although I have more ideas than I can ever possibly put to pen. You can find links to my other works (horror, science fiction, and even a little fantasy) at www.writebrane.blogspot.com, some of which is also listed at http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B004FVPPR8.

MB – Nice plug for your Amazon page. Anyway, Tha…

WW- Hold on – someone is knocking at my door. Weird. Who in hell would be calling at this time of night? Be right back…

MB – Heh, It’s Enya coming to personally thank you. Or it’s Bilderberg. Or it might be the bird-man…sheesh, it could be anyone!

Wait…now someone is knocking at my door…

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Monster Hunter Interview – Steven Gepp

It’s Thursday, and that means it’s time for another Monster Hunter Interview!

Tonight we welcome Steven Gepp, a veteran of The Trigger Reflex and the upcoming Use Enough Gun.

Let’s see what he has to say, shall we?

MB – Hello Steven! Usually I start these by saying “good evening”, but in your case, time zone and all, it should be “g’day”.

SG – Yes, I’m from Australia – great that you noticed.

MB – I’ll bet you thought I was going to start with some cheap Crocodile Dundee reference, didn’t you?

SG – I was rather hoping that you would not.

MB – Well, you are in luck sir! We will begin with a serious horror question:

It’s time for a SÉANCE – What horror author would you bring back and what would you ask them?

SG – That is serious. Do I ask HP Lovecraft where he got his insane ideas from? Do I ask Edgar Allan Poe what happened in those last months of his life? Do I ask Robert E. Howard how he managed to write so well across so many different genres? But then, in asking these questions, where would it get me? I’d just feel depressed that I’m not as good as someone who wrote these things up to 100 years ago, and their answers would only help to heighten my inadequacies.

Augh! I’m depressing myself now just thinking about it. I think I’ll bring back Douglas Adams and try to work out what the hell he thought he was doing with the H2G2 film, and what he thought of Colfer’s book. Not horror, but, then hey, my own book is humour, not horror.

MB – I think we can allow Adams. Your reasoning is solid, and you did list the top three obvious picks.

This is a question that I plan on asking in future interviews, and I’m looking forward to hearing how they answer it – there are some really great, really creepy possibilities out there and I hope we get to explore them.

*shivers* Alright, that’s enough of the serious stuff for now. Time to go for the low-hanging fruit…

Being from Australia, one monster I expect you see a lot of is the Jabajada Arderdah. Are they tough to bring down?

SG – Oh, goodie, a Crocodile Dundee reference…

Walking crocodiles… pshaw. Like crocodiles needed anything extra to make them scarier! Those things can run at 30 mph, can jump 2 metres up out of the water, have no natural predators, eat literally anything, and will wait at the bottom of a tree for a week until you fall down into their waiting open mouths. And you want to make them bipedal to make them scarier?

Look, in Australia, it’s simple – if it’s an animal, it wants to kill you. Deadliest snakes in the world? Yep, we got them. How about spiders? More than you can poke a stick at – a very looong stick. Jellyfish? Oh yeah, lots, including one so small you can’t see it until you’re already dead. Octopus? The blue-ringed one is a right bastard. Mammals? Surely cute and cuddly Australian animals aren’t deadly? Well, the platypus is venomous. Think about that for a second – the creature which looks like a menagerie of leftovers actually has venomous foot spurs! Oh, and our kangaroos, those cute things that jump around and look like rabbits that have worked-out a lot? They can disembowel you with one solid kick. And when the wildlife isn’t out to get you, the place is either on fire or flooded out, so the country itself is out to get you. Bipedal crocodiles? Bah!

In fact, looking at this, is it any surprise there aren’t more Australian horror writers? Our reality is scarier than most things people could come up with.

MB – You make it all sound so beautiful and romantic…

That last paragraph alone is tourism gold, and might very well put Paul Hogan (Crocodile Dundee) out of a job as the official welcome wagon.

Speaking of which, I’ll bang that drum again. Is it true that all Australian garments have a special “shrimp pocket”, just in case they have to, well, you know…

SG – *sighs* Hopefully this marks the end of the stunningly bad cultural stereotypes, hmmm?

But, to be honest, barbecued shrimp isn’t the best – what you want is to pan fry them in garlic butter and serve with sticky steamed rice and a gob of extra butter.

MB – That sounds delicious, but it won’t get you out of one more cultural stereotype. And, in my own defense, this question is near and dear to every monster hunter’s heart:

Do you carry a large Bowie knife wherever you go, just in case you get to use “the line”?

SG – Ahh, you mistake Australia for a country with freedom. I could go off on some sort of political rant about that now, but shan’t. Let me just say that most people I know don’t carry knives. We don’t have to. We carry Sydney funnel web spiders in our pockets and tell the muggers to help themselves.

MB – You know, that would actually make just as good of a scene in a movie…

A couple walks in the park, enjoying each other’s company in the coming dusk…

{Enter muggers}

Mugger 1 pulls a spider out of his pocket and shakes it the couple – “Give me all of your money!”

The man just smiles, reaches behind his back… “That’s not a spider…”

He pulls out a huge, fanged, Sydney Funnel Web… “That’s a spider!”

cut scene.

I’ve been working on my screenplay ideas lately, and I think this has legs…heh. I kill myself…

Moving on.

Did you ever watch Ultraman as a kid?

SG – No, not as a kid. But I did watch Ultraman: Towards The Future in the 1990s, but only because I…

I…

I appeared in it. There, I said it. As an extra. It was filmed in Adelaide (where I have lived my whole life), I was a performance acrobat who had dabbled in professional wrestling and managed to wangle my way onto the set. I got to run away, screaming along with a bunch of others. So much for utilising what we shall laughingly call my skill…

MB – Laughingly? You just jumped into the number one spot of most famous people that I know. That’s awesome.

That’s also a hell of a coincidence – I still have Kaiju-on-the-brain from the last interview, and loved Ultraman as a kid, so I thought I’d just throw it out there. I gave it equal odds that the show wouldn’t even be recognized, and here you are, one step away from being the man in the silver scuba suit. Cooool.

Alright, I’m pulling myself back together. Favorite horror novel?

 

SG – Christine by Stephen King, hands down. My favourite book ever as well.

Pig by Kenneth Cook is my favourite Australian horror novel, and my favourite Australian book. And a mention has to be made of The Shaman by Frank Coffey, the first horror book I read that felt sort of like one of mine (though far, far better; I really like it) – as opposed to King whose books were so far ahead of anything I could ever hope to do – and so encouraged me to keep on going.

MB – That’s why he’s the King. Favorite monster movie?

SG – I am a complete sucker for stop-motion animation, so stuff like The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms is really cool. I love Jaws and Jurassic Park, and the early Mummy movies (Boris Karloff et al). But my absolute favourite is John Landis’ An American Werewolf In London. Even now, 30 years later, it’s still awesome.

A brief rant here – I think filmmakers are losing something with the whole CGI thing. They lose the humanity, and the reality of their beasts. Sure, stop-motion may look a little odd at times, but the creatures have substance and a solidity. Jaws relied on mechanical beasts. And American Werewolf… relied on stunningly beautiful make-up. Maybe the old ways are still the best.

MB – I think a lot of folks here would agree with you, and that the popularity of modern horror movies reflects it as well. The current trend of exorcism movies kind of strikes me as an easy way for filmmakers to not have to deal with the “monster problem” of make-up and animatronics vs. CGI. I know that I’m a lot less likely to shell out a few spiders to see CGI, and I absolutely miss the suits.

Also, I’ll agree with you on the stop-motion stuff as well – Harryhausen made some of my favorite movies growing up, and CGI will never be able to match the movement and look of that medium. It’s one of those perfect blends of “this is a movie” with you seeing something that looks real enough to not pull you out of the moment *sighs*.

What do you know? Looks like we both got a rant in.

Next question: MONSTERS WITHOUT BORDERS  – You’re a werewolf guy, but are there any other monsters or cultural myths that inspire you?

SG – Therianthropes of all sorts feature rather heavily in a lot of my works, including my longest (and as yet unpublished) novel, which is about a whole subculture of them. As a monster hunter, the werewolf, though, I feel lends itself to such a better hunt scenario. Werewolves can be found anywhere and they’re a tricky bunch, but also killable. And, as will be seen in my story in Use Enough Gun, that whole pack mentality thing can be nasty…

But I’ve written about bunyips, lizard-men, dragons, vampires, demons, and all manner of other fantasy-type monsters, as well as the standard animals running amok. Basically, if something scares me, I’ll write it. However, I’m coming to realise that the evil that men do can be the scariest thing out there – and a good example I’ve written is the story that’s been accepted into the upcoming Psycho Cinema anthology (note: cheap plug for a PHP book). People are worse than nearly anything. Maybe not those nasty parasites that invade your brain and turn you into a shambling idiot capable only of dribbling or running for public office, but pretty much anything else.

MB – It’s time to NAME THAT TUNE – give us your top 3 monster hunting songs.

SG – Since I started reading these, I’ve been wondering what answer I could give. So I’ve decided on the three tunes that get me pumped best for a workout in the gym, or before stepping into a wrestling ring.

‘Toccata And Fugue in D Minor’ by Sky (1980)

‘Thunderstruck’ by AC/DC (1990, though I prefer the live version from 1992)

“Love Missile F1-11’ by Sigue Sigue Sputnik (1986)

And I’ll just say it was tough culling it down to 3…

MB – Right on. Sigue Sigue Sputnik brings back memories…

Last question, and this is a new category: FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE – Describe your ultimate Monster Hunter crib.

SG – Hmmm. Suburban area. You can hide better out in the open, with the façade of ordinariness as a cloak. House, two storey, with windows on all 4 sides of the 2nd storey. Oh, also solar powered with battery-generator back-up. Those pesky power cuts may not entirely be the fault of the 40-yr-old coal-powered turbine 100 miles away. Some simple to use fire-arms, already loaded, and a lot of medieval weaponry. They may not have had guns, but those knights knew how to slay dragons with well-honed steel. A book of ancient sorcery – a pile of money in at least ten or twenty different currencies, but definitely Euros and US dollars. Passports and ID’s in at least half a dozen different names. Power adaptors for different countries. Maps. Reference books. Computer with ghosted IP. Trophies of various successful hunts…I’m sure my wife would love all that.

MB – I’m sure all of the monster hunters will love that! Way to take the new question and hit a homerun. Book of ancient sorcery…niiice choice.

Tell us where we can find you out there on teh interwebz:

SG – For a discussion of my many unpublished novels, you should check out my blog at http://stevengepp.wordpress.com)

For a published novel, check out Amazon http://www.amazon.com/RELICK-Steven-Gepp/dp/1909049034/

And, there are also a number of anthologies on Amazon featuring me – a full list can be found here: http://stevengepp.wordpress.com/bookshop/

MB – Very cool. It’s been a pleasure talking with you.

And if I’m ever in Adelaide, I’d love to buy you a Fosters!

SG – *throws a Sydney Funnel Web spider into the interview*

MB – I deserved that. And I’m outta here…

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Monster Hunter Interview – Helen Yates

Tonight, we were supposed to be able to speak with Helen Yates, a recent addition to the LOTMH family with her story The Longest Night, which will appear in USE ENOUGH GUN.

I say “supposed to” because Helen isn’t here. Evidently she left a hastily written note – something about a Doctor, traveling through time, joined by the male cast of True Blood.

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that one…

Sooo, in her place, we are joined by Ashley Ryan, the main character and monster hunter featured in The Longest Night. I figure the Whalen interview inspired this duo up to these shenanigans, or Helen’s Dr. Who fantasy has actually came to pass. Either way, we’ve got a monster hunter, so we may officially begin.

MB – Good evening, Ashley. Thank you for joining us.

AR – It’s my pleasure, and might I say that you are much more handsome than I expected?

MB – Really?

AR – No – it was in the script – am I supposed to say that? I’m kinda new at this…

MB –*coughs* I’ll tell you what, let’s forget the script for now – favorite horror novel?

AR – Oh, okay. Well, you don’t need to read them when you live them – take my word for it.  Seriously though, I do like Stephen King and Graham Masterton novels. King goes straight into the mind whilst Masterton is just gory. I love it! I’d love to go up against the creatures he writes about.

MB – Well don’t just leave us wondering. Which creatures?

AR – Masterton had written a lot of creatures, such as the Basilisk, Djinns, haunted houses, Wendigos, the list is endless and I’d take on all of them. I‘m also inspired by Masterton’s heroic characters. I love Masterton’s Dream Warriors series as well as his character, Jim Rook. I’d love to be able to walk into people’s dreams and combat the beasts invading their nightmares. Plus, the weapons are so much cooler than mine.

MB – I see. We’ll come back to weapons, but I’d like to stay on this nightmare road for the moment –  spiders or snakes?

AR – You mean to kill or to have as a pet? I wouldn’t say no to having a tarantula or a black widow as a pet. Sadly, with my monster hunting and detective work schedule, I can be away from home for weeks at a time and I don’t think any of my friends or family would want to look after them.

MB – Good call. On the family thing, I mean. On the pet choices, not so much. You may want to look into something that requires less maintenance. I hear that the larger snakes (Anaconda, Rock Python) only eat twice a year. That might work better with your schedule.

On the downside, you really don’t want to forget to feed them.

AR –Don’t Anacondas and Pythons kill their prey by constriction? I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing a 20 foot snake might be lurking under my bed.

MB – Says the monster hunter who wants a tarantula or a black widow for a pet…heh. Guess that answers the last question. Here’s the next one – what is the one monster hunting item you never leave home without?

AR – My twin tantō blades, specially made for me by my mentor.

MB – That must cause problems with airport security. They’re so touchy these days about things like tanto blades. Do you try to hide them, or just plunk them down in the plastic bin and wait to see if anyone notices?

AR  – In terms on how I’d get past security, I’m not at liberty to say. A girl’s got to have her secrets…

MB – Of course, and please pardon me for asking. That’s a little like asking a superhero their true identity – I don’t know what came over me, though I suspect it’s the random itching I’ve been feeling since you brought up black widows…

Okay, there is a topic that has been sorely ignored in the past interviews, and speaking with you seems like the perfect time to correct that. Talk to us about anime.

AR – I love anime, but I’m really quite fussy about it as I prefer it in its original Japanese.  I’ll watch English dubs, but they’re not on the same par with the original versions, which in addition to being authentic, are a great way to learn Japanese so I can understand Yuji when he goes off in one of his Japanese rants. Not to mention that I can insult him back in Japanese.

I’m into shows like Kaiji, X, Akagi, Death Note and Devilman Lady and yes, even a bit of hentai, but the less said about that, the better. Although I watch that now and it’s like my life is like an anime… I hate to sound big-headed but I wonder if the manga and anime writers would get a kick out of meeting me and my mentor, Yuji. Especially, Yuji since he’s a Shinigami.

MB – If I ever win the lotto, I absolutely promise to start a production company that will produce an anime movie version of each story in the monster hunter books. That would be teh cool.

I’ll also open a theatre to show them in, which will run all other monster features as well, and will have beer taps and popcorn machines in between all of the seats.

And yes, I know that some people prefer other beverages than beer, but it’s my theatre, so go win your own lotto…

Back on track: I’ve heard that you write a little erotica – what monsters should have been included in the 50 Shades trilogy?

AR – Have you been talking to Yuji then? I’ll bloody kill him for blabbing! Yes, I wrote a wee bit of erotica, but not anymore. I’m too busy.

Never actually read the 50 Shades trilogy but from what I heard about that Christian Grey, he sounds like an incubus to me (putting an innocent girl through BDSM). I get the feeling he gives her naughty dreams as well so he can feed off her life force and making her addicted to him. Yup, that definitely sounds like an incubus to me. That’s what needs be included.

MB – So, you’d keep the shades pulled, so to speak, and just add the demonic suggestion to the story. Hmmm. I was thinking more along the lines of throwing in a Kaiju or two. I think that would give it some zing.

Speaking of which, Godzilla returns in 2013. Are you ready?

AR – Oh a challenge! Yeah, I’m ready. Got to sharpen up my tantos…

MB – I see what you did there. Are you ready? – well played.  All I can say is that you’d better eat your Wheaties that morning.

And you’d better have a kick-ass soundtrack ready to play. NAME THAT TUNE – List your top 3 monster hunting songs:

AR – I don’t know why but when I hunt, I think of “I’m Not Driving Anymore” by Rob Dougan

I also love “One Reason” by Deadman WonderBand featuring Fade (the opening theme tune for the anime, “Deadman Wonderland” especially the lines:

I will be your deadman

With nothing but this blood on my hands

Stuck in your “wonderland”

I just want to make you bleed like me”

 

Sometimes I feel like a deadman. I really do.

And this one as well: “New World” by Nightmare (the opening theme tune for the anime “Death Note”)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcaO8SnxSjo

MB – Interesting. Do you ever read Neil Gaiman’s blog?

AR – Yes. I do but not as much as I read his tweets and Facebook posts. Awesome guy. A modern legend in weirdness. I really hope he writes another Doctor Who episode.

MB – Do you sharpen your own blades, or send them out?

AR – My mentor Yuji sharpens them. He’s teaching me how to do it.

MB – I just have the butcher down the street do all of mine. I never tell him what they’re for. To his credit, he never asks.

Alright, one more question – and be honest – do you ever drink the blood of your enemies?

AR – No, I pretty much just kill them. All my kills have been too quick and clean for that to happen. Well, the last one wasn’t and I admit I was tempted to taste it. That’s what bloodlust does to you, I guess.

Although I think I will always prefer chocolate. That’s a girl’s best friend

MB – Thank you for being honest.

Time to wrap this one up. Where can we find out more about you and Helen?

AR – You can read her story The Kelpie in “Scarlet Whispers”, and all proceeds go to the horse charity, Hilltop Haven Equine Rescue and Rehabilitation:

http://www.hilltophavenequinerescue.com/

http://scarlett-river-press.ca/available-titles.html

Helen also has a Facebook account: https://www.facebook.com/ecco1983 where she keeps her lovely devotees up to date with her writer’s block as well as other crazy ramblings.

MB – Always good to support a horse rescue. Horses and monster hunters go way back.

Thanks for spending this time with us tonight.

AR – Thank you, and you really are handsome!

MB – Oh, stop. Now you’re just embarrassing me…

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Monster Hunter Interview – Joshua M. Reynolds

Tonight I have the pleasure of speaking with Mr. Joshua M. Reynolds. He’s another author featured in all three of the LOTMH volumes and one of my very most favorites.

Josh is the writer of Royal Occultist Charles St. Cyprian and his assistant, Ebe Gallowglass, both of whom are irresistible in their own way, and I must highly recommend following their adventures by clicking the link provided at the bottom of the interview.

And so, it is only fitting that we begin on that very topic:

MB – You may not feel comfortable answering this, but if you are open to speculation, who do you believe to be the current holder of the office of Royal Occultist?

JR – Brian Blessed. The reasons should be obvious.

MB – Exactly! His 1980 portrayal as Prince Vultan was as good an audition as any! Good times, and good call.

Somewhere, Pat Rothfuss is stroking his beard in jealousy…

Anyway, ever had a ghostly occultist-like encounter of your own?

JR – Oh the stories I could tell about the things I have seen.

It sounds like the chorus from a bad country song, but it’s true despite that. Coffins full of blood and black dogs loping under a silver moon, hungry houses with wide open doors and whispering, black-eyed ladies at the other end of the empty train car. I’ve been on the edge of scary stuff—Charles Fort territory, you know—hearing the stories from friends-of-friends or reaching the spot as the echoes fade.

But a proper encounter? No, never had one of those. By the time I get on the train, the ghouls are getting off. By the time I hear the sinful titter, the vampires have scarpered. But I’ve got a good imagination, and sometimes that’s just as bad.

MB – That was a good bit of foreplay without much payoff. Consider yourself on notice for the rest of the interview.


Now, If you HAD to tattoo the face of a writer on your body, who would it be and where would you have it done?

JR – What—deface this pristine temple of human perfection? Thank you, no. But if I had to, it’d be Jorge Luis Borges, because if you’re being forced to do it, do it classy.

As for where, that is equally obvious – Caio Tattoo in Rio. He’s the only one I would trust to get it right.

MB – Ahhh, where would you get it done…I see what you did there. But I’ll give you credit for answering with Borges, and I smiled when you mentioned Caio. Many a monster hunter has spent a hard earned nickel in his studio, for certain. And speaking of exotic locations…

Have you ever visited the Catacombs under Paris?

JR – I have been to Paris, but not to the Catacombs. The Louvre was creepy enough, thanks. That place eats people, you know. Shells them like shrimp and snacks on souls. It’s a recognized mental disorder. Look it up.

MB – I see. So you have a fear of the Catacombs…

(So do I – anyone that goes there is obviously crazy.)

Back to more important matters: the best monster kill scene in movie history?

JR – The climax of the Horror of Dracula—Peter Cushing’s Van Helsing vs. Christopher Lee’s Dracula in the brawl for it all, including crossed candlesticks, table-vaulting and flying tackles. A close second might be the windmill scene from the climax of The Brides of Dracula—Peter Cushing again, this time using a windmill to kill David Peel’s Baron Meinster.

MB – That answer puts you right back into good graces here at the campfire. Right on.

Now, taking a turn towards current events, is it too soon to crack jokes about naked pictures of the royals?

 

JR – Nah, I crack jokes about ‘em even when they’re clothed. Then again, I crack jokes about a lot of things, so maybe I’m not the best guy to ask.

MB – For better or for worse, I’m counting your answer as official:

YOU MAY ALL NOW CRACK JOKES ABOUT NAKED PICTURES OF THE ROYALS.

Personally, I’m relieved. I’ve been holding back for days.

Moving on.

NAME THAT TUNE – List your top 3 monster hunting songs.

 

JR – Ooh, tough one. My Top 3 Monster-Killin’ Songs changes on an hourly basis, but at the moment, in no particular order, they are:

“Kaiju (CrushKillDestroy)” by Tribe One

“I Kill Giants” by Adam WarRock

“Comin’ Home” by Murder by Death

Just missing out on the third spot is “Vampire Lake” by the Builders and the Butchers.

MB – On a very serious note, what are your thoughts on the new Lego “Monster Fighters” toys, and do you think it is possible that a toy manufacturer knows more than they are letting on?

JR – My initial thoughts are “Yes, please.” and “Will you buy them for me?” That said it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if Lego were in on the Secret History of the World, and that their products weren’t simply some form of primary colored Lemarchand’s Box, waiting to be clicked together in the proper shape to awaken the gibbering nuclear chaos at the heart of existence.

Still, those are some damn fine looking play-sets, I must admit.

MB – Yes, they are rather rakish. And to answer your question of “Will you buy them for me?” –  that would depend entirely on photographic proof of Jorge Luis Borges, if you catch my drift…


PIMP MY RIDE
– What is your ultimate monster hunting rig?

JR – Why, the answer is right in front of you, dear fellow—Charles St. Cyprian’s black Crossley 20/25hp, of course!

That bit of automotive ingenuity has survived being stomped on by angry Celtic gods, a savaging by werewolves, an airborne assault by a daemonic avian entity and, most recently, a thorough crushing in the coils of a monstrous worm.

But if I can’t have the Crossley I want KITT from ‘Knight Rider’, because it’d be efficient to have both my snarky sidekick and my transportation be one and the same.

MB – Well, I guess someone was bound to drag The Hoff into this sooner or later. At least you didn’t answer “The General Lee” because then we would have had to devote an entire page to a discussion of the merits of cutoff jean shorts…

*Takes a deep breath and stares into the distance*

I’m back. If my Kickstarter makes enough to fund my Monster Hunting Traveling Agency, which hunt would you absolutely want to go on first?

JR – Hmm. I’d have to say it’d be a toss-up between hunting down the Beast of Bray Road or my hometown horror, the Lizard-Man of Scrape Ore Swamp.

MB – You know, it’s funny that you bring up the Beast of Bray Road. I’m in the middle of reading Linda Godfrey’s latest, and I had a stray thought the other day about how cool it would be if I could get her to do an interview. I’m going to take this as a sign that I should try.

Here’s her book – http://www.amazon.com/Real-Wolfmen-Encounters-Modern-America/dp/1585429082/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1348104237&sr=8-1&keywords=linda+godfrey

I’ll also admit that I have no idea how the “short URL” works. Pity that.

No matter – I’d like to thank Josh Reynolds for spending time with us this evening.

Josh, would you be so kind as to provide links so that everyone may enjoy your excellent storytelling?

JR – Stop that, you’re embarrassing me!

I kid – you keep right on doing that…

My personal blog, where you can find out what I’ve written, I’m working on, what I’ve got coming out, and what I think about things: http://joshuamreynolds.wordpress.com/

And, for the folks who’ve enjoyed the St. Cyprian and Gallowglass stories in Leather, Denim & Silver, The Trigger Reflex and Use Enough Gun, well, you’re in luck because there’re plenty more where those came from! You can find out about those, as well as more about the shadowy world of the Royal Occultist and even read free stories at:  http://royaloccultist.wordpress.com/

MB – There you have it, folks.

As stated before, you could spend a lot of money on books and not read better that the adventures linked above.

And please feel free to pass mention this interview (and the others) along because you never know when the information might save a life.

You also never know when Flash Gordon, Knight Rider and The Dukes of Hazard cross paths with Caio, the famous tattooist from Brazil and Linda Godfrey, the world’s leading authority on upright canids.

Seriously, you’re welcome to try and top that, but we all know it’s not going to happen.

*drops mic and walks off stage*

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