I think we all know that a time comes in a person’s life when fashion means everything. The right choice of color, an extra millimeter of fabric or the way a hemline falls can make or break an impression, and there are times when these decisions are nothing less than crucial. That’s why I’m here.
Hold on…wrong blog. Gimme a minute…
*coughs* Welcome Monster Hunters!
Blood. Mayhem. Spent shell casings. It’s all here…so strap those boots on and get ready to kick ass!
But before we get started, you may have noticed that seats around the campfire are not as easy to find as they used to be. That’s because more people are tuning in, and that’s happening because you are all sharing links and promoting each other’s interviews. That’s good and really important – the more people that know about the interviews, the more likely it is that a major publisher or Hollywood director will come knocking on one of your doors (and the less likely that any salesmen will…heh) so keep up the good work!
Tonight we talk to Angel Propps. Her LOTMH stories are featured in The Trigger Reflex and Use Enough Gun, and by chance, she’s in town, so we had to get this interview while we could!
MB – Hi Angel. Thanks for joining us tonight!
AP- Anytime. I’m always happy to talk about hunting monsters. I’m also pretty good with fashion, in case you ever need help there.
MB – We’ll see about that.
Sunglasses. What’s your make and model?
AP – I switch it up between a pair of bootlegged Chanel sunglasses I bought on a street corner in NYC and an equally knockoff pair of D&G’s I found in Vancouver, BC. I hope no cops are reading this.
MB – I wouldn’t worry about it. If there’s one thing that cops understand, it’s the importance of sunglasses. Now, when you wear the D&G’s, what do you accessorize with?
AP – Do you seriously want me to answer that?
MB – Of course not. I want you to answer this:
What is the book or movie that scared you the most?
AP – The scariest movie had to be Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things. I sat up one Friday night with my sister to watch it and when our parents got home we were hiding in the bathroom armed with hairspray and matches, just in case we had to protect ourselves, it was Aqua Net hairspray so we could have lit up a world’s worth of zombies. That first fright is always the one you chase, it’s like a drug addiction really.
MB – There’s not a monster hunter alive that didn’t raid their mom’s vanity when they were little (or, when they were running a little short on cash… I’LL BRING IT RIGHT BACK, MA!).
Excellent choice for a scary movie and Aqua Net flamethrower FTW – plus, it does totally provide a superior hold.
I’ve heard rumors that Colonel Sanders was actually one of the most powerful voodoo lords that the world has ever known. What do you think about this?
AP – I knew there was something off about that damn chicken, seven secret herbs and spices indeed.
MB – I see what you did there – “damned” chicken. Seven herbs and spices instead of eleven. You know more than you’re letting on (but don’t worry – your secret is safe with us).
It does stagger the imagination to consider how many chicken sacrifices have been made.
It also makes me want to send one of the other hunters out on a K.F.C. run. Who else is in?
What’s the one book you wish you had written.
AP – It isn’t a book, it’s a couple of short stories: A Good Man Is Hard To Find by Flannery O’Connor and The Lottery by Shirley Jackson.
Nice choices. Especially Flannery O’Connor.
Alright, changing gears – have you ever ridden a motorcycle naked?
AP – YES! OMG, how did you know that? Is the video still on YouTube? I swear I told them to take it down. I don’t recommend it, by the way. Bugs do get stuck in the unlikeliest of places.
MB – *chuckles to self* It’s a trick question, m’dear. We’ve all ridden a motorcycle naked – it’s just that most do it alone and very few are willing to bring it up because they don’t realize that it’s a wide spread phenomenon. Personally, I think it has something to do with the ultimate act of freedom, danger and speed all mixed into one.
Anyway, the next time you see a cop, ask them about it. They’ll tell you that the books are full of these reports.
Er, slip your sunglasses off first.
What about you do monsters fear the most?
AP – My sadistic streak. I have kept the flamethrowers from my teenaged years but I have vastly improved the model (although I still use Aqua Net as a base).
MB – Right on. Buckshot or slugs?
AP – Both when possible. But slugs win hands down if you can only have one.
MB – PIMP MY RIDE – Describe your ultimate monster hunting rig:
AP – A 1966 Cadillac. Jet black. The gas mileage would suck but it would look immensely cool.
MB – Agreed. Some things are worth the money, and just pulling up in a badass sled like that strikes fear into the heart of your enemies. Solid choice.
NAME THAT TUNE – List your top 3 monster hunting songs:
AP – Shit List by L7
Anything by Slipknot – their music makes me feel crazy.
Sandman by Metallica
MB – I was wondering when Sandman was going to get a mention.
Alright, let’s cap off a trifecta of badassery with:
Hands down, the best tequila is?
AP – Patron!
Recipe: Take two cans of lemon-limeade (half-frozen) and pour them into a pitcher. Add half of a fifth of Patron. Pour in two Coronas, stir gently. Serve in salt-rimmed glasses. Lethal margaritas without a blender.
MB – I’d like to think that that’s how the Colonel partied after a long night of voodoo.
We have time for one more question.
What’s the best advice you could give to a youngster thinking about becoming a monster hunter?
AP – Cold water helps to keep bloodstains from setting into your clothing.
MB – Uh huh. Not only is it true, it brings the whole thing back ‘round to fashion.
Tell us about you and where we can find more of you:
AP – I am a sex educator! I teach classes at conferences all across the country and can be found writing while tucked away in the corners of dungeons. Yes, real dungeons. I am a weirdo indeed. I write a lot and am always up for saying hello to people so if you see me out in public say hi, unless you are a monster, in which case you should run away as fast as possible.
MB – So, just a quick re-cap:
You cruise around the country in a 1966 jet-black caddy, shotgun in the back alternating buckshot and slugs.
When you pull up and step out, we know it’s you from the Chanel or D&G eyewear, the can of Aqua Net poking out of your bag and because you are ready to teach sex, kill monsters, or mix-up on the spot killa-ritas.
All I can say is that some people are alive, and some people are living.
Call me the next time you’re in town. We’ll go shopping.
AP – You’re buying.
MB – Yeah, yeah…